Chaplaincy and Loss by Travis Akins

Loss that is hard to put words to. Loss that you can't get out of your mind. Loss that makes you reflect deeply. I have been a Chaplain for almost 11 years. There have been periods of loss I have walked with others in, there have been my own losses, and there have been losses thrust upon me. Overwhelming loss. Over the past week, I have stepped into the world of three families who have experienced the death of a loved one, a niece, a brother, and a son. Each of these losses are distinctly different, yet all ring the same sound of profound grief. 

I am struck by the desperation, disillusionment, disbelief, and despair of my conversations with souls seeking relief. What do you do when you hear the sound of a parent crying out in agony? What do you say? How do you react when they say, "Is my son in heaven?" How do you muster the strength to provide comfort, reassurance, or hope when you want to cry alongside them? Tears well up, your voice won't come out, and words seem woefully insufficient. 

Then comes the time after you leave. How do you process what you have seen, heard, felt, or smelled. What images do you have in your mind? What stirs in your heart as you try to sleep? How do you engage everyday routines, as if things are “normal”, with others that are not in a place of loss or grief? Are you angry with others who are not in the place you are? Do you feel yourself become numb? Do you see many of the “important” things of life as trivial after experiencing such loss?

Caring for others, caring for yourself, or dare I say caring for souls seeking our creator, our savior, and our comforter is not for the faint of heart. The depths of our own belief system can be tested as we reflect on the character of God and the fallenness of the world we find ourselves. Some say, “How can you still believe in a God after going through this?”, “How can a loving God allow this to happen?”, or “I don’t even know if I believe in God anymore.”. What do you say?

When the words fall short, when your voice fails, and the tears roll down your cheeks, know that God is with you and those you are with. Sometimes the best thing we can do for those we care for, and for ourselves, is to hug one another, cry with each other, sit together, or check in with each other with no expectation of a coherent response. In the midst of loss, in the depth of grief, there may not be words to express. However, God’s presence is with you.

Some of the most holy moments of life are experienced in loss and grief. Being together, sharing together, remembering together, comforting one another is exactly where God wants us to be.  2 Corinthians 1:3-5 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”  

This is the hope that we can hold onto. This is the comfort we can share with others. This is the presence of God when we are with others. As we continue to experience loss in this life, hold onto the abounding comfort that comes through Christ and be there for one another.

In Chaplaincy we will experience loss. It may be our own loss, the loss that others experience, or the loss of the world we pray for, but we are not without hope. We are not without a comforter. We are not without a Savior who loves us and will be with us through it all. Stand strong as a Chaplain, as a follower of Christ, and as a beloved Child of God.